Group #13: The "I'm-Not-Racists" Who Quote Racists

In order to close Black History Month, I would like to dedicate this section to a special group of people. And by "special", I mean special ed. Of course, I'm talking about those people who claim not to be racist, yet love to quote some chain letter they saw originally written by a white nationalist.

When Attorney General Eric Holder urged Americans of all creeds to openly discuss race, these "special" group of people took offense, and in some crazy way, actually accomplished what Holder asked of them. These people start off every discussion about race with the words: "I'm no racist, but..."

...But what? Are you actually going to say something racist? Why do you have to warn people of what you are going to say? Apparently, it's the worst thing in the world to be labeled a racist. How offensive, right?

It's okay to be proud of your race. It is also okay to talk openly about race. It is NOT okay, however, to use someone else's misguided and unresearched opinion as your own. That makes you a stupid racist!

So when Black History Month rolls around each year, you will find this poem in message boards, YouTube videos, and Yahoo answers:

Proud To Be White

Someone finally said it.
How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" .. And that's OK.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ... You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, So why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You Have Yom Hashoah You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP.

You have BET. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) .. We'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day . You would call us racists. If we had White History Month . We'd be racists.

If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives We'd be racists. We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that?

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships you know we'd be racists.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US , yet if there were "White colleges" .. THAT would be a racist college.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, You would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're Not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride .. You call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer Shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running From the law and posing a threat to society .. You call him a racist.

I am proud. But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists? There is nothing improper about this e-mail. Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on. Hell of a point made here, isn't it?

*deep sigh*. Man, this is depressingly stupid. And yet I see it every February, as well as quoted from many "not-racists." Especially those who like to declare things like, "if we had a NAAWP, the National Association for the Advancement of White People, it would be racist." That's because there IS a NAAWP, and it IS racist. It's a white supremacist group, founded in 1953. Google it, dumbass!

Not to mention the NAACP is 100 years old, and was started to fight and represent blacks against biased Jim Crow laws. And it had white founders as well the black founders. If you paid attention during BHM, you would know that.

It will be pointless to point out all the misinformation in this steaming pile. I'll just focus on the information that's the most outlandish.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you,
So why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

Yeah, cause we all know how much the Georgia wilderness in movie Deliverance was similar to Disneyland (cue banjos). But seriously, it's not rocket science to figure out most crime happens in poor areas. In America, minorities make up most of those poor areas. People result to crime worldwide as a means of survival. Plus, you are delusional if you don't believe crime happens in Vermont or Connecticut.

You have BET.
If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) ..
We'd be racists.

I call bullshit, sir. Last time I checked, whites owned BET. Since 2001, I believe. In fact, whites own most of the stations out there. And it's not like there are no white people on television. Shows like Laguna Beach, Gossip Girl and Gilmore Girls look pretty white to me. How about you start a WET? What a stupid name anyway. People would think it's a swimming or porn channel.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US , yet if there were
"White colleges" .. THAT would be a racist college.

I hate this damn argument. Are you completely lacking in history that you forgot blacks couldn't go to school with whites? These schools are HBCUs or Historically Black Colleges and Universities. That means, historically, they were save havens for college-bound blacks that normally would be denied admittance to "white" colleges, like Princeton. Walk on any American campus that is not an HBCU and you would see more white students than any one else. Sounds like a white college to me.

Just to add on to this unfounded statement. Whites can go to these schools and many do. Usually on scholarships made for whites who go to HBCUs. I knew plenty of whites applying to Xavier University of Louisiana for its rigorous pre-med program, or to Howard for its pre-law program. One school even had its first white valedictorian last year.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching For your race and
rights. If we marched for our race and rights, You would call us racists.

Oh, COME ON! White people march all the time. Abortion rights, religious rights, gay rights, the environment, animal rights, war efforts. If it's political, white people are there.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're Not afraid to
announce it. But when we announce our white pride .. You call us racists.

Uh....Irish pride. German pride. French pride. British pride. Russian Pride.
Armenian pride. Scottish pride. And who are orange people?

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer Shoots
a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running From the law and
posing a threat to society .. You call him a racist.

This is where the poem goes from paranoid to irrational. Just because I am black doesn't mean I'm going to rob you. In fact, I don't think most blacks out there want to rob you. But with this quote you paint all black people to have these tendencies. For the record, this is what pisses black people off. And it's a racist assumption. I mean, most American serial killers and terrorists are white. Should I believe just because you are white, you want to strangle me and store my corpse in your crawlspace?

I'm not racist, but I think these "special" people should open a book, take a history course, and stop watching the O'Reilly Factor. A little research never hurts anyone.

"Non-Racists" who quote racists: stop ticking me off!

Group #12: PDA-loving Lovebirds

In honor of Valentine's Day, I would like to use some Internet space in order to rant about a special group of people who tick me off. They probably tick you off, too. It's those lovebirds that kiss and hug up on each other in public.

I have a boyfriend, and yes, I kiss him in public. However, there is a difference between me kissing the cheek of my boyfriend of nearly five years and those teenaged, hormone-filled couples that have been going steady for a week. That difference is about 2 movie ratings.




Ewww. You can see the slobber. I feel like I need to take a shower just from watching. Look, I know you are in love, or whatever, but can't you two do this somewhere else? Your parents' bedroom, the back seat of your Ford Echo, your sister's dormroom, anywhere but in public! Put your hands where I can see them! Uhh...not there. And you, guy, put on some baggy pants! I feel like I'm going blind.

I guess there is something wrong with me. How can I not want my boyfriend, all day, everyday, so that we are together in public, I'll let him unhook my bra while I'm still wearing my shirt? Oh yeah, it's because I'm an adult.

So keep pawing at each other. That way, you won't notice me slipping saltpeter in your Dr. Pepper.

PDA-loving Lovebirds: stop ticking me off!

Group #11: Musicians or other non-actor "Celebs" who think they can act

What a way to cheapen the craft of acting. I don't consider myself an actress by any means, but I have friends who are actors and I respect their craft to the fullest. However, just cause you have a little money doesn't mean that your ass can act!

So, you thought it would be cool to be in a movie. Maybe you even thought about your Oscar acceptance speech, how you can compare it to winning a Grammy. Well, keep dreaming.

Even if actors do what they are told, acting is not for the faint at heart. Your heart must be in it, or else you get a steaming pile of s*** like Soul Plane.

There are too many violators to count. Jessica Simpson, Snoop Dogg, Beyonce, Bono, Paris Hilton (God help us), Lil' Wayne, Lil' Romeo, even pornstars--and we all know how much acting goes into that! Believe me, there are exceptions to the rule, such as Mos Def or Queen Latifah, but these are few and far in between. You are not a Singer-"slash"-actor. You are just some celebrity wasting some time and money. But hey, better a movie than drugs, right?

Your acting career should consist of showcasing your house on MTV Cribs. Leave the acting to the actors. Maybe my actor friends should cut an album. See how you like that.

Musicians or other non-actor "Celebs" who think they can act: stop ticking me off!