Group #18: Bad Parents

If I were a songwriter, I would write an ode to all the awesome parents out there. Parents so awesome, they would arm wrestle an old lady for the last G. I. Joe on the shelf during the Christmas rush, or camp outside three days to get their child into that exclusive school (thanks, mom and dad!).

But ever so often, you witness an abomination of parenthood. Parents so terrible, they keep Maury and the state social service departments in business for years. I'm talking about you, Octomom.

But not just her, any so-called “parent” you may witness in life who doesn't take their role as provider and teacher very seriously. Whether it's a dad who uses their toddler as a beer can holder, or a mom who shuts her screaming child up with candy, they insure pure, generational failure of the highest form. My, someone's gene pool is as deep as my frying pan. When your child flunks out of his TV/VCR repair school because he keeps blowing up his meth lab, don't wonder what went wrong.



Your child should be the most important thing in your life. A child is not a toy or a fashion accessory. Your child is a person who depends on you for a lifetime of guidance. So, please, Britney Spears and company, use a child safety seat. And don't be afraid to slap some sense into your teen every once in awhile, Federation of Moms of Out-of-Control-Teens on Maury. But not too hard. Bail and legal fees are expensive.

I may not advocate sterilization, but some people are pushing it. Maybe I should write my congressperson to be sure.

Bad Parents: stop ticking me off!